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Wishful thinking
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By iconriot

103
Overthinking
beginstomorrow
4:20 AM. Woke up from an uncomfortable dream where I went back to work to pick up my things and found that Mayce had changed her mind about quitting after I'd left and decided to stay on. It pissed me off. Especially since Faisal said she mentioned pittying me for leaving. So much subconscious shit. On my way out I was fully intending on ripping into her, confrontational persion that I am (/scarcasm), greeting her with "Hey witch/bitch," because for some reason she was goofing off with riding a broom when I entered the department. She muttered "Oh, God," as if she was the victim in all this, and it pissed me off even more because I knew that to Shireen that's what Mayce was probably making herself out to be, as usual. Forever the victim. But then, I remembered a quote that deflated all my resentment and anger. "No one heals themselves by wounding another."

And then the guilt came, and I felt petty and immature. I woke up, and here I am at 4:35 AM feeling tired but restless. If I'm honest with myself I'd admit that Mayce is not a shit person, she just reads things wrong and then makes all these angry assumptions. It's crap that she doesn't come to me with them to clear them up, and instead goes around badmouthing me to folks, but I'm hardly an upfront and confrontational person either, so can I really blame her? Granted, I don't go around talking shit. I wish Faisal had never told me what she really thinks of me, because I haven't got the mental fortitude to deal with it like an adult. I can't even talk to her about it, because he confided in me and I can't out him. I think I just need to let it go. It's not worth it, she's not a bad person, and I'll gain nothing from holding that much resentment in (or lashing out with it). No one is worth it.

Maturity mantra: "No one heals themselves by wounding another."
Anti-resentment mantra: "Communicate, even when it's uncomfortable." Getting everything out is the easiest way to heal and get rid of bitterness.

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I shouldn't have anything to be afraid of if this can happen:


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Went to the dentist a few weeks back to get my teeth whitening kit made. Today was sporadic day 5 of using the retainer thing with its whitening paste. I have to leave it on for six hours straight. Teeth starting to get sensitive. The good news is I got a mold of my teeth out of the deal and they're pretty cool f I do say so myself.


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Was reading this article, "Most Disney Movies Are Pro-Gay" when I came across this part:

Another obvious example: Mulan, where the protagonist disguises herself as a male soldier. When the soldiers later dress themselves as courtesans so they can sneak into the palace, the film completes its theme of gender as performance, with women pretending to be men and men pretending to be women. Mulan’s “I Want” song also plays like an anthem for kids born into the wrong gendered body—“When will my reflection show who I am inside?”—and intriguingly, the film insinuates that her male captain fell in love with her while she was masquerading as a man.

That intrigued me enough to Google the lyrics. Change the context and it would be the perfect transgender theme song.

Reflection
Look at me,
I may never pass for a perfect bride, or a perfect daughter.
Can it be,
I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself,
I would break my family's heart.

Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Who is that perfect bride?
It's not me, though I've tried.
When will my reflection show, who I am, inside?
How I pray, that a time will come,
I can free myself, from their expectations
On that day, I'll discover someway to be myself,
and to make my family proud.
They want a docile lamb,
No-one knows who I am.
Must there be a secret me,
I'm forced to hide?
Must I pretend that I am someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show, who I am inside?
When will my reflection show, who I am inside?


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My Transexual Summer (full)








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Dade's take on how he knew he was transgender. Dade has undergone one of the most successful transitions I've seen on Youtube. I recently discovered his other videos. They strike a chord, and he makes a lot of sense to me.


6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person [article]
Wishful thinking
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Some articles are just worth sharing.

6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person

Source: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/

2014, motherfuckers. Yeah! LET'S DO THIS.
"Do what?" you ask. I DON'T KNOW. LET'S FIGURE THAT OUT TOGETHER, MOTHERFUCKERS.
Feel free to stop reading this if your career is going great, you're thrilled with your life, and you're happy with your relationships. Enjoy the rest of your day, friend, this article is not for you. You're doing a great job, we're all proud of you.

Enjoy the rest of your day, friend, this article is not for you. You're doing a great job, we're all proud of you.
For the rest of you, I want you to try something: Name five impressive things about yourself. Write them down or just shout them out loud to the room. But here's the catch -- you're not allowed to list anything you are (i.e., I'm a nice guy, I'm honest), but instead can only list things that you do (i.e., I just won a national chess tournament, I make the best chili in Massachusetts). If you found that difficult, well, this is for you, and you are going to fucking hate hearing it. My only defense is that this is what I wish somebody had said to me around 1995 or so.

Note: I originally posted this in December of 2012, and to date it has drawn more than 12 million page views and been shared on Facebook nearly half a million times. We decided to update it and post it again, and by update I mean change the year to 2014. -DW


#6. The World Only Cares About What It Can Get from YouCollapse )

I See Fire - Ed Sheeran
Wishful thinking
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